Friday, October 8, 2010

An Angels Birthday

*Warning* Not a gardening post, and could possibly induce tears.


This is a post I wrote over and over in my head this week. It is something that I kinda knew that I wouldn’t be able to write on this actual day. Instead I am writing this yesterday and asking my email to send it tomorrow. Friday – October 8th.

See, today is a very special day. Today is my son Justin’s birthday. It was only 5 years ago today that I held him in my arms. I hugged him, kissed him, counted toes, and fingers, stroked the bottom of his feet, felt his tiny hand wrapped around my finger and desperately tried to memorize every tiny detail. I breathed in his scent like wine that I was drunk on. A sweet, sweet perfume. His birth was completely special. Each of my children’s births were special, really. Every one completely and utterly different in fashion, in emotion. But his was the most intense for sure. He was born silently into this world. Just he and I together. No one else even existed in that moment. He slipped from me still in his bag of waters. So amazingly different. It was mere seconds later that my husband, the nurses and doctors arrived – but it seemed an eternity. He was so tiny. Warmth surrounded him, emanated from him. Love filled the room from every direction. A very special birth, indeed. Less than a pound and so frail but so perfect.

That day I kissed him, held him as much as I could. It was the first time, the hundredth time, and the last time that I would.

Today I celebrate the day that he was brought into this world, and the day that he was taken from me. Happy Birthday Justin. Five years have passed like the blink of an eye. Only a moment ago, and yet it seems like an eternity. Not often one gets to actually hold an angel. I did.

Some things change us forever, Sometimes we feel that we’ve been left out in the cold far too long. Sometimes those changes are what make us each unique and make us a better person. Sometimes out of that hurt comes love. Peace and love to you my friends. May you, too feel that love!




P.S.- The bear has special meaning. Read about him here. ( Don’t push the next button, it will play all the way through)

In case the hyperlink doesn’t work try this:




  1. Barb, I couldn't even imagine the pain y'all went through - are still going through. Many blessings to your family and let it be a lesson to us all to hold are children tight.

  2. You are right, that did make me cry. Something very similar happened to us six years ago... Christopher was over 9 lbs., I was full term. Nobody knows why it happened. :(

    On a brighter note. I got your seeds in the mail yesterday! I was so happy to receive them!!! I have your envelope here, not sent yet, because I'm trying to decide on which flower seeds I want to send along! I'll get them out today. :)

    I'm praying for you today.